Finding Mr. Right by Avoiding Mr. Wrong

I have been attracted to men who have been not right for me (and vice versa, of course).  These are the mistakes I’ve made so far (the kind of men I’ve almost or completely fallen for) and I implore you and me to learn from them.

It’s been exactly two years this month since I was last in a relationship. No, I haven’t made a sacred vow of abstinence (that’s bullshit anyway) and I’m not one of Taslima Nasreen’s followers who think that everything that is wrong with the world is because of men. I happen to love mankind, especially if you exclude shrieky women.

The decision to stay away from relationships hasn’t been a conscious one. I have dated a few men in these last 365*2 days. Unfortunately, none of those associations could culminate into a relationship. I don’t hold the men responsible because I’m aware of the fact that I have a tendency to freak myself out when I begin to fall in love. I run and I don’t look back. Oh come on, commitment phobia is not a man’s prerogative anymore.

Nevertheless, I had the good fortune to meet and get to know some fabulous men in this time. Please note that the word “fabulous” has been drenched in sarcasm. The only reason why I have refrained from using a derogatory adjective is that they were all decent with me. To the extent of my contemplating falling in love with one or more of them. Because the truth is, it is extremely hard to find well groomed, well read, well spoken men in this part of the country. But I’ve never dated anyone who isn’t all of the above. (Seriously now, why the f*** would I?)

I’m not exactly what you would call beautiful or brilliant, but I do know that I still manage to turn a couple of heads when I walk into a bar (considering the recent news, Delhi men would turn their heads and do a backflip for anything in a skirt) and I’m reasonably smart (compared to most people I’m acquainted with. Yes, it’s relative).

But of late, I’ve been thinking about what I did wrong. Because really, you’ve got to be extremely annoying and obnoxious and choosy and high headed to avoid relationships for 2 years at a stretch at the prime of your life. The prime is waning, or so my concerned mother would like me to believe. She wants me to find love and though I tell her I’m happy without it (not entirely untrue), I guess life could do with some excitement.

Yes, I have been attracted to men who have been not right for me (and vice versa, of course).  But it’s now time to walk out of the shadows into the bright sunshine. Alone. I have ceased looking for love with a glint of hope in my eye and I’m now not averse to facing the consequence of spending the rest of my life with myself. I will always keep an open mind though and should love knock, it’s welcome to come in and make itself comfortable.

These are the mistakes I’ve made so far (the kind of men I’ve almost or completely fallen for) and I implore you and me to learn from them:

The Skeptic:

The skeptic is the kind of man (or woman, please add flavor as per taste) who walks with a dark cloud over his head. He has convinced himself that life has been unusually tough for him and he does not trust anyone. Talks of love and trust are wasted on him. Actions do not speak louder than words because he does not WANT to believe that there is hope for him. Because he is in love – with the farce he sees in the mirror every morning when he wakes up.

The Pseudo Intellectual:

He will charm the daylights out of you by the knowledge he has amassed from being online every second of the day. He will woo you with the smorgasbord of books he has read. He will enchant you with the music or movies he keeps referring to. There is nothing he hasn’t read, heard or have an opinion about. He is someone you can gloat about when you introduce him to friends, who he will continue to charm just the way he charmed you. Yes, our man here is fickle and a compulsive flirt. And believe it or not, those social causes he believes in are just a way of getting laid because he pretends to have a “sensitive” side to him.

The Lost Soul:

Our man here has lost the plot in life and every single woman he has ever been with. He will soak the positivity out of you and look at you with puppy dog eyes that will melt your heart. He  is our typical mommy’s little boy. If you are ready to mother him, you are welcome to him. I can give you his number. Last I heard he was still looking for a surrogate mommy.

The Savage:

He is smoking hot, ladies. And that is why I fell for him. The definition of alpha male. He bows down to nobody and is a self made man. Confident, good looking and of course, he already has a steady girl who he claims he is in an “open relationship” with. But you and I both know, sister, a relationship that is open is more often than not an excuse to find a friend with benefits. Yeah, he is hard to resist. But he is exactly what you want but don’t need. Say your goodbye and mean it.

The Perfect Friend:

There is absolutely nothing that I can say is wrong with this guy. He is perfect. Always there for you. Great to talk to. Doesn’t matter what he looks like, he is what you should end up with. Because he cares what time you reach home. He cares if you’re feeling low and will not attribute it to your PMS. Of course, he’s perfect. The million dollar question: Why am I not with him? Because he’s fictional and I’m just going to wait for the bubble to burst, thank you.

You might have dated one of these men. You might be one of these men. If you are a man, you might have related the above to women you’ve dated. These are not categories. I don’t categorize people. These 5 men I’ve described above are men I’ve dated and they have been angelic to me. My memories are precious and nobody is allowed to f*** with them.

I have loved each one of them. The real reason why it didn’t work out with either of them is my obnoxiousness coupled with my paranoia of ending up with someone who will not stick around for long. I’m happier being single than being the single who found love and lost it. I will not be part of a broken home. My home can wait. Because I believe in forever.

This blog post first appeared on Natasha K.’s personal blog.

Image courtesy of mando2003us via Creative Commons.

Editor’s note:

If you are single and clueless about dating, read: How To Find Someone To Date.